Together with our sister new car buyers' site, AutoWeb, AutoSpeed has received some pretty strange communications over the last 100 issues. Some of them are funny; some of them are weird, some a bit pathetic. But here they are!
This one came from Melbourne, Australia. We're not sure if a few (vital) words went missing or what. But the email said:
I am trying to find the external factor that effect the automotive industry. Can you please help.
Well, we'd like to; we sure would.... It's just that we can't find the external factor either, though I guess if we worked together we could probably ferret him out.
Hello, I noticed that you are also using the Internet, may we chat a minute? If not please delete.
Well, you're right there - we are on the Internet, or WWW to be more precise... Chat to you? - don't think so.
I stumbled upon your page by accident... and frankly, you guys need to update your page. I think your article on the ALMIGHTY SKYLINE reeks with aussie ignorance. Though the model SKYLINE that you were driving is not for performance grading, yet you chose to because your lack of knowledge. Perhaps you should fork out some more doughs and get yourselves a modestly equiped GTR, preferbly a more recent model GTR (if you can't, it's understood!) and get your story straight. And buy the darn thing... you might like it.... feel free to reply anytime.
Er, it was a GT-R.....and one of us did own it.
Then some emails are just incomprehensible...
G'day I've got a question my mate works for Sunshine Ford on the Gold Coast, and he is having his 21st b/day next month "April" i have a wicked poster of a falcon XY GTHO and i was wondering if i could send it down to glenn seton to get him to write on it Happy b/day from the team at FTR signed. if i can please get a response ASAP if not thanks any way. I will also pay for all of the postage and handling. Thanks
We'll get back to you on that one - Seto's just popped outa the office and we're not sure when he'll be back.
I bought a Television six months ago and it has quit working. How do I contact your repair for TV's.
TVs, cars, all the same sorta stuff aren't they? I mean, this is exactly the sort of email that you'd send to a car site, isn't it?
Wow! Aren't you handsome. I was actually looking in the people directory trying to find your phone number for Mark who wants to check out some car prices. Then I found this scintillating site, so couldn't resist sending you a note! So, you're 75!! Isn't that something?? If you try hard and have a good enough deal, you might be able to sell Leo something before the GST, but don't bank on it. I reckon he should go for a second-hand vehicle with low mileage. He's done 180,000km in his Pulsar! Well, your phone number's not here. I'll have to ask Leo for the number. I'll give Mark your site address, so he can have a look at you, as well!!
Yes, that's excellent. Superb in fact. Whaddya talking about!!??
Dear Friend
Thank you For the wonderful site.. Whose teached me alot of things... and thank you for Now i have arequest if you don't mind ;) i want Ultimat Bulletin Board last version (Full Version) which in your site (Please) i'll be Greatfull if you Send Ziped ubb to my email.
Thank you
No worries; it's on its way.
please, we need e-mai address of an authorized in research and development department or e-mail of Chairman Richard Wagoner or else if you know anyone who will help us wih our projects in GMs
Basically: tell someone who cares....
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am doing an assignment on Monty Dwyer off the Today show. As of yet l have not been able to get any information or bio on him. If you could help please send it as soon as possible to the above address.
Who?
YOUS SUCK I WANT PICTURES OF HOTTED UP CARS
Aren't they hot enough then?
I'd like to know something about the famous green tyre
Not the famous green tyre? No, sorry, we couldn't give out that information, even to you. We'd like to, but we'd then be overthrown in a CIA plot....it's what happens to people who talk about the gr-
And this is the type of email you get from the most famous UFO town in the US - Roswell...
PLEASE HELP!! I am contacting you on behalf of my daughter who owns a 1998 Toyota Corolla. She is broken down in a small town in Oklahoma and the phone number she has does not respond. The number is 1-800-443-4331. Please help. She is only 19 years old and very low on funds and has to get the car situation resolved ASAP. Who do we contact?
Who do you contact? The lunatic asylum, we'd think. And more bloody septic tanks....
Can I have A new suzuki sierra special made for left hand side will pay extra for it thanks Kevin
Sure, we'll get onto the local importer for you - and nah, it won't cost you any extra. Not for you, Kev.
This is the only email we've ever got from China...
We like to order the samples and put in Chinese taxi in the city of Ganhan- also like to act as your distributor if installation is successful
And as you can guess, we were pretty damn' excited at the idea of having AutoSpeed on PC screens in every taxi in Ganhan...
I HAVE WORKED IN GERMANY AT PORSCHE AND I WANT TO WORK AGAIN.PLEASE CAN YOU SEND ME DETAILS? ALSO I HAVE HAD A CAR PORSCHE BUT THEI STOLED IT. PLEASE SEND ME DETAILS ABOUT HOW I CAN GET MY CAR BACK.PLEASE CAN YOU SEND ME DETAILS ABOUT MY ACCOUNT?
Er, how shall I put this....to all questions, NO WE CAN'T.
AND TAKE OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
And lest you think that we're just getting stuck into people writing in their second or third languages, this one's from the UK.
What a SAD BUNCH OF PEOPLE YOU ARE. I Hope in the new Millenium, that you get a life. Personally speaking mine is much better thankyou. You just pass the spark plug web site which I have in my reseach visited,if you have anything funny to say on the subject of spark plugs or HT leads or The Coil or the Distributor then please respond on my E-Mail address. P.S. You are definately a sad bunch of wankers ta tar John
Funny things to say about sparkplugs? Well, if you bend over.....
And another one received by AutoWeb.
Your website is not too user friendly. It cannot be accessed from the US, since the state field will not allow a US state to be entered. Also, most of the entries in the state field are actually counties, not states.
Well, there's a reason why you can't enter US states. It's an A-u-s-t-r-a-l-i-a-n site, about cars for sale in A-u-s-t-r-a-l-i-a, you see...
After an AutoSpeed newsletter went out, we received this plaintive request:
Please can you only send us these at the week end. Thank you.
We guess that their letterbox was just getting too full. And to sum it all up, another communication from the United States of America (and no, we haven't left out any of the words - this is exactly how it was written!):
mirror projecting apparatus qualifies for implimentation and forgoing sales in the behalf of martin j. olinger futhermore in the request for future profits in assets. please advise all priority and personel of foregoing qualities and accomplishments.
Of course; why didn't we guess all that...?
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