Day 4 - Friday, August 25th
9:00am - Julian and I return our brightly coloured yellow Mustang to Craig at Crossover and jump into a 4WD Toyota Harrier - which we immediately find to be an impressive vehicle. Otherwise known as a Lexus RX300, it boasts a TV screen, navigation system, high quality trim, grunty V6. This isn't very hard to bear!
9:30am - A humble service station looks like a good place to buy some morning refreshments. Julian opts for a pre-made turkey sandwich and I go for the faithful ol' ham and cheese microwave roll. You really can't go wrong with them. We also grab a Rush café latte each, since Julian appears to have liked his first experience with this pseudo ice coffee. There's no doubt, though, that Farmer's Union is still on his mind...
Side-by-side sitting in the Harrier, we press onto Beninca's. But after driving something like 50 kilometres, our surrounding roads and landmarks start to confuse us. D'oh - we've driven 50 kilometres in the wrong direction! Make a note: be careful when translating suburb abbreviations - 'SyH' doesn't mean Sydenham... it means Surrey Hills. Julian is suitably penitent.
12:00pm - We launch into the driveway at Beninca's - a mere two hours late. Joe doesn't seem to mind though. He takes us on a tour of his 'shop (complete with his own design shock dyno and tailshaft balancing machine) and we're immediately blown away by his terrific technical knowledge. He's a hard man to keep pace with, though. Words are authoritatively delivered at gunfire pace and cover topics as diverse as K-type thermocouple digital PC conditioning boards and in-house CNC-milled Alfa Romeo mono-block cylinder sleeve design... and often in the same sentence. You get the feeling he doesn't tolerate fools lightly, so we struggle gamely - coming up with confusing but very tech-sounding questions.... Still, it's great to meet someone who's so keen, able handed and able minded.
While we're there, we pick up a folder of some of his past projects and photograph the workshop's high-tech Targa Tassie Alfa GTV - complete with slide throttles and injectors squirting down each bellmouth. Oh yeah, and dry sumping and a Stack dash and.....We leave Benincas, frustrated a little that the workshop's so focussed on just Euro stuff. If they'd turn their hand to modifying WRXs or 200SXs - we could only dream what brilliance they'd come up with! It's one of the very few workshops in Australia that we agree we'd be happy taking any of our own cars to...and we sure as hell don't say that very often.
3:30pm - Next up, we head into McDonalds for a Big Mac and Mc Oz Value meal. The food isn't bad, but while we're there, we listen to a couple of blisteringly dumb young ladies crapping on to some guy who looks remarkably like a pimp. Not that we'd ever judge on appearances, though! A toilet complete with blue UV lights (so we can't shoot-up, dammit!) shows us the true class of the area - but at least you can be always sure of the class, quality, nutrition, texture, colour, shape, wrapping paper, (etc) of a truly wonderful McDonalds meal. From there we continue onto JPC in Thomastown.
4:30pm - We arrive at JPC and speak with the affable and relaxed Mark Johnson, almost blasé about the astounding cars coming from his workshop. Like, we check out the Datsun 1200 drag car and the twin turbo XJS Jaguar V12 circuit racer and the Evo 5 Lancer... He's also got a scorching 300ZX twin turbo and an 11-second Gemini coupe; we drive each in turn to a nearby photo location. A lot of these pics are action shots, with the cars being driven down the road - however, by the time we get to the Gemini, it is getting very dark. So dark in fact, that we re-schedule the shoot for Saturday.
6:30pm - We return to our "home" in the very real comfort and luxury of the Harrier. No bullshit, this is one good car. But there's no time for rest though; we still have to test the sound system of both the import Harrier and the Orstralian Avalon, sit in all of their seats (testing room and comfort), open and shut every nook and cranny, look at the engine and suspension, operate every control, and then take a few pages of notes on each. Afterwards, I return to stuffing around with the Harrier's TV/stereo and CD navigation system. It is very good: just put in the dedicated CD and I reckon I could find my way around Tokyo easy now...
We return indoors, watch the weather channel for some time (particularly engrossed by the in-depth discussion of cloud symbols) and Julian starts to consider what's for dinner. He is thinking along the lines of pizza, chips, pasta, KFC or a hotdog with the lot. (There is a restaurant incorporated in the hotel/motel complex; dining at it and then having the tab added to Boss Brendan's bill is an idea that occurs only weeks later.)
9:30pm - KFC is the winner. I choose the succulent Tower Combo, while Julian dares the Twister. It is a risk that doesn't pay off though, coz its texture defines the word 'gluggy'. Oh - and we're just curious - why doesn't KFC have ice-cream cones like McDonalds and Hungry Jacks? They call themselves a fast food franchise - bah!
10:00pm - We have some concerns when I cane the Avalon back from KFC, it develops a loud, squeaking noise on full-bore acceleration. Sounds like the transmission...But investigation reveals the sound to be an empty Smarties packet sliding around in the door pocket... Part of the day's remnants.
Day 5 - Saturday, August 26th
Too early am- We reluctantly get up, and I (again) confirm my longstanding impression that I'm more of a night person than an early riser...
8:00am - We're out and about photographing the Harrier in a nearby conservation park. Using the headlights of the Avalon to lift the Harrier's flanks, the vehicle looks really slick through the viewfinder. The shoot takes around half an hour and then we return to our respective cars to clean them out (remember the Smarties packet?) and make notes. Morning female joggers glance fearfully over their shoulders as they pass: why are there two men sitting separately in new cars in a deserted conservation park at 8.30am on a Saturday, writing notes on pads of paper?
9:30am - We fly the Harrier back to Crossover and swap it for a 4.6-litre ragtop Mustang - a very sexy lookin' Yankee machine. A stop off at a petrol station follows - coz it sure is time for a feed. Julian eats a double mustard hotdog (didn't the Old English teach him a lesson?) from the boot of the Avalon, while the Mustang holds up my ham and salad roll. The Editor is very obviously disappointed by the hotdog - he expected better from servo-a'la delicacy. Another Rush café latte partly makes up for this letdown. "Rush café latte - creamy smooth with that mild coffee taste. Delightful as a morning starter, and the screw-top bottle makes drinking on the move a breeze." (The makers of Rush café latte - are you listening? Sponsorship is always welcome...)
11:00am - We arrive at Nizpro to shoot simply the best modified car we've ever seen - Simon's own Nissan 200SX-R. This sucker's been a long time coming, but the result is sheer perfection. You need only look to the custom door trims to sample its overall standard of engineering - stay tuned for a full feature on this one. We take a tour of the premises, including a look in the dyno room that's stuffed with a 700hp RB30 turbo ready to be run up. Simon Gischus - as always - has a lot of good stuff to say as well. Direct to the point of tactlessness, outspoken, dogmatic, honest, well-informed, strong-minded and very often right - that's Simon. And a welcome relief from those who spend all of their time pissing in others' pockets, that's for sure.
3:00pm - Once again we make the trek out to JPC. Along the way, we find a public sports oval (which turns out to be the deserted premises of a private school - but what the hell?) where we photograph the red Mustang - a good pre-emptive move, it later turns out ... Since we're also pedalling the Avalon on this trip - good car, that - we also take a few pans and static shots of the big Dame Edna.
Arriving in Thomastown, we get cracking with a re-shoot of that Gemini, as well as casting the lens over a stealthy looking 10-second VL turbo. Even Mark Johnson's own car - a turbocharged Maverick 4WD (?!)- gets photographed. That is, after it has mud cleaned off every square inch of its body! It's a very constructive couple of hours.
Julian decides to drive Mustang from the photo location back to JPC (only about a kilometre away). It arrives in their driveway with coolant gushing onto the concrete; it's time for a big "Oh, shit!". Mark and his offsider have a bit of a poke around under the hood - but it looks kinda serious. With a wounded Mustang, the only option is to shoot it (this time with a gun, not a camera!) and leave it at JPC. Julian faxes Crossover the bad news... Grateful we've brought both the Mustang and the Avalon out to JPC, we car-pool into the Toyota and return to the motel. It's a night to hit the fast-emptying bottles - a borrowed broken car isn't what we wanted...
7:45pm - We realise that junk food is deleteriously affecting our health, so we drop into the Ferntree Gully Safeway (Woolworths to the rest of the world) and buy some wholesome edible delights. Namely, a packet of Eclipse chewing gum, on-special chocolate chip muffins, Savoy savoury biscuits, mini Babybell cheese, discounted (ie nearly out of date) iced coffee and a packet of Smiths crisps - the new especially tasty ones. This is strengthened with the inclusion of a 2-litre cask of Yalumba shiraz. ("A taste of aromatic hydrocarbons strengthened by a dash of volatiles - about 96 RON," suggests Julian grandiosely.) Suitably fortified with this tasty and nutritious mix (hey, those chips are good!) we figure we can go back to proper junk food for the next few days.
Sprawled out in the comfort of our room, we relax by watching TV (once again). This time, it's cable coverage of men in some weird country (Japan?) who ride a huge log down a 45-degree slope hill (a 6 yearly tradition, for anyone who's interested). Several of the men get pinned beneath the log, apparently suffering internal injuries. Others try to replace the unfortunates by jumping on the log as it careens past. Odd. I resort to buying myself a pizza, and, boy, is it a hot one - phew! Lucky there is plenty for me to drink... Julian can be persuaded to take only one slice - then he goes back to his strange wax-coated cheeses. After the fun in Japan finishes, I decide to read through the Melbourne car parts classifieds - and before long, both Julian and I are brainstorming an article on used cars. We're just so dedicated...
Next week: 1G-turbo Celica, turbo Mirage, another VL turbo, blown Commodore V8 ute, turbo FTO - and a Nissan Gloria!
Coffee, Cars & Cardboard Food - Part 1
Coffee, Cars & Cardboard Food - Part 3
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